


Its Hard to Breathe, When You're Not There

by saintmatrix



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Crying, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jock!Zach, M/M, Prom, Reconciliation, They Deserved Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:27:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25180960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintmatrix/pseuds/saintmatrix
Summary: Zach isn't too good with words, feelings or much of anything anymore—that's why he had Alex, he grounded him, kept him present and gave his tumultuous life some stability. Until he royally fucked that up too.A tale of realisation, acceptance and the power of unconditional love.
Relationships: Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	Its Hard to Breathe, When You're Not There

_Hey, are you free? I need you - Z_

Alex was aimlessly skimming through his Twitter feed at an ungodly hour when Zach’s message appeared. He immediately sat up as residual anxiety threatened to consume him, halting his attempt at trying to find some tone-deaf form of entertainment to avoid the onslaught of nightmares that came with sleep. It wasn’t unlike the duo to partake in late-night exchanges but it was one thing for Zach to almost demand his presence at such an hour—something had to be wrong. As soon as that notion entered his head, the anxiety and worry came full force, instantly coercing him out of bed and into the hoodie that lay forgotten on his floor. His fingers compiled a quick response before he grabbed his car keys and silently crawled out the window.

_On my way - A_

Whether it be naivety or genuine knowingness for where Zach’s emotional unfolding would occur—Alex didn’t know nor care much because he knew where he was. Why? Because it’s where he’d go. It was their place now.

* * *

In the dead of night, even the city lights illuminating the rooftop ebbed to a mere inkling. The city lights dwindled to a smattering of stubborn night owls. He saw Zach’s silhouette, head upturned and gazing up at the moon under siege by stars, though expression nostalgic and slightly sombre, he looked content—at peace. He allowed himself a moment to take in the boy before him—his rock, saviour, the one light he had in his life before the spark began to dull and the familiar easy smile became a rarity. He loved Zach, he was _in love_ with him—it was as simple as it was complicated. 

“There’s something weirdly beautiful about the stars, hey?” Alex asked, making his presence known as he looked up at the freckled darkness with a small smile.

Zach turned his head abruptly in response, gazing at Alex in that way he did which left the smaller boy reeling with naive longing and a sense of false hope for something— _something requited_. The gaze was familiar, anxiety-inducing but welcomed all the same because it was Zach after all. Alex was nothing if not naively devoted and infatuated by the spectacle that was Zach Dempsey. 

“Yeah…,” Zach said softly, eyes still distant but still hooked on Alex with that _look_. 

Alex broke the trance by making his way next to Zach, mild dejection ready to fill him at the sight of the bourbon bottle but relieved at finding that it was filled to the brim and unopened—a silent, attainable companion if need be. 

Alex allowed himself to indulge in the familiar, comfortable silence that sometimes spoke greater than words did but resignedly decided that he had to break the stupor and bring them back to reality.

“Zach… tell me what’s happening, why are we here?” He softly asked, trying to catch the taller boy’s eyes.

“How did you know that—that I’d be here?” Zach asked distantly, voice tinged with curiosity and something else that he couldn’t explain.

“What does it ma—”

“How?” He softly demanded like it would kill him to not know why but eyes finally finding Alex’s. 

Alex held his gaze for a minute too long, feeling himself resign into that state of internal condemnation at his ability to feel too much, all at once.

“Because—it’s like our place or whatever...I-I’d come here too,” He admitted with a jumble of words and emotions, trying to feign nonchalance despite the weight behind his admission. 

“Yeah”

That fucking _yeah._ Alex was so sick of that fucking _yeah_ , what did it even mean? He felt his stomach simmer with unprompted annoyance at his current predicament—what the _fuck_ was Zach trying to get at? 

“Zach—,” Alex began, voice immersed with obvious annoyance before he was interrupted.

“I think about that night a lot…,” he started, voice filled with uncertainty as his eyes took up that sombre, distant look. 

Alex felt his breath catch and heart stutter as that muted sense of hope began to re-emerge. He couldn’t do this—he couldn’t let the hope brew again only for it to be apathetically trampled on. Alex doesn’t think that he’d be able to endure that again— _hope was fucking painful and cruel._

“I think about you almost falling, how—how I wouldn’t be able to fucking live with myself if you—if you…,” Zach incoherently admitted, voice wrecked and immersed with pure ache.

Alex couldn’t bear it any longer, he opened his mouth to reassure Zach that it hadn’t and wouldn’t come to that but found himself unable to because Zach continued on his tangent.

“I—I know that I—I said I’m not but—I… I think about the—the kiss and sometimes it’s like…” Zach stammered in a shamble of unreconciled feelings and confusion, unbeknownst to the fact that he was pulling at Alex’s heart at his admission.

“Zach—,” Alex began slowly, voice full of trepidation and caution, not wanting to bear the weight of what Zach might say. 

“—and sometimes I think—think about… what it might feel to do it again,” Zach admitted, dismissing Alex’s warnings and instead, dropping the bomb at his feet.

Alex’s brain could formulate no thoughts other than register that he was shocked, his chest tightened at the revelation, eyes taking interest in the obsidian darkness above him—if only to avoid what Zach’s cruel admission meant. He wanted to return the sentiment so bad—he wanted to tell Zach just how much those few seconds in his embrace had meant to him. Somewhere along the way, Zach had become his lifeline but that lifeline was struggling and couldn’t possibly have a feasible understanding of what he was saying. His admission was just another Zach spiral, Alex had to believe that. If only to save himself some agony at never having _something more._ They couldn’t. 

Zach gazed back at Alex with such concern, eyes patient but minutes from falling to pieces at Alex’s prolonged silence.

Alex’s heart lurched at what he was about to say next, “Zach—I can’t, I have Charlie now and—I’m—,” he began, about to stake his heart by turning away the boy he loved before he was abruptly interrupted. 

The next thing Alex knew, Zach had slammed their lips together, nearly knocking all the wind from his lungs. He hardly had a moment to react before Zach pressed his tongue to the seam of his lips and in a moment of weakness, Alex granted him access, the taller boy’s tongue mapping out the inside of his mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss with a strong scent of old wine being exchanged in the intermingling of their billowing breaths. Alex’s arms reached up and tangled around Zach’s thick, strong neck before he came back to himself and shoved Zach away in pure shock. 

Alex’s eyes were burning and his chest felt heavy as if it were filled with lead, the kiss had obliterated all thought and left him feeling cheap and used despite how good it had felt to feel Zach again. 

“What the fuck, Zach!” Alex screamed, hands trembling as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Alex—I’m—oh, fuck—,” Zach began incoherently, guilt painting his expression as he took in Alex’s distraught reaction.

“Is that what you lured me here for? To fucking confuse me more—I have something good, maybe something real coming for me… why do you have to fucking ruin it?” Alex harshly retorted, eyes penetrating and unrelenting despite the haze of tears that blurred his vision.

“I’m—I know—I’m sorry,” he rambled, voice wavering. 

“I am not some fucking tool for you to latch onto when you go down one of your emotional, _‘i’m so pathetic, no one loves me’_ Zach spirals… I have fucking feelings too,” Alex bellowed, emotions getting the better of him as he ran his mouth.

“What? No, Alex, it’s not like that!”

“What the fuck is it like then, because clearly—,” he began again.

Unbeknownst to him, Alex’s emotional high had prompted Zach to confess something that would change everything.

“I love you!” Zach screamed.

Alex doesn’t know what provoked his next move, but in a moment of blind rage, he struck Zach with a sound like the cracking of a bullwhip. His hand stung from the impact as Zach clutched his cheek in shock and pain, tears welling in his eyes but expression devoid of any emotions—like he knew he had it coming. Alex refused to look away, even as his lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion, he was unwilling to back down. His lashes brimmed heavy with tears; hands clenched into shaking fists, in a desperate battle against the grief, rage and lost time. He barely gave himself a minute to compose himself before he allowed his frenzy of emotions to get the better of him. 

“Fuck you, Zach! Fuck you and your love, fuck you for playing with me—fuck you-” Alex spat, voice wrecked as his chest heaved with dry sobs, and his eyes stung with that pain that demanded release. 

“Alex—I’m sorry, please—I mean it, I—,” Zach rambled, bottom lip quivering as slow desolate tears ran from his unblinking eyes. 

“No!” Alex hysterical shrieked, “I don’t want to fucking hear it”

“Alex—please, don’t—don’t be like that...you’re—you’re hurting me,” Zach pleaded, tears now falling at force and with no resistance. 

Alex’s sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, but he felt overcome by the wave of his emotions, all his defences washed away in those salty tears that fell without fail. 

They were an absolute mess, two tear-stained, blotchy faced—idiots in love.

_If only it were that simple_

Alex cruelly scoffed, the sound coming out watery and choked but making Zach flinch back all the same. 

“You’re hurt? I— _you’re hurt_ ?” Alex mocked, the hysteria of his emotions and the situation forcing him to cruelly chuckle at their expense—at their _completely fucked up situation_. At the joke of their love. 

The hurt in Zach’s eyes only intensified, mahogany orbs haunted with confusion at Alex’s cruelty, heartache and a shame at the rejection. Alex knew his reaction was killing Zach, tearing up the last bit of hope and happiness he foresaw but Alex was nothing more than a frail, emotional collapse—he was bearing it all, exactly how he felt and he hated that it was at Zach’s expense. 

"Fuck, Zach—how do you think I feel?” He asked frustratedly, salty fluid dripping over his small, cracked lips as his shoulders shook on the adrenaline of letting it all out and ache at the lost time, moments and memories.

“Stop fucking breaking my heart… don’t you see what you do to me? I follow you everywhere—like a fucking idiot—nearly die several times and I’d still come back, because—because it’s you and I—,” Alex tugged at his hair as he let his words flow free, brutal, honest and _fucking painful_.

Zach loved him back and maybe that was the worst thing of all. 

Zach’s breath caught at Alex’s admission, realising all the instances that he could have been the reason for Alex’s death and he—he hated himself. He didn’t think it was possible to hate himself anymore. 

“Alex—fuck, I know—I’m a mess and I push you, and I’ll never be good for you because—”

“You’re killing me, Zach,” Alex admitted with resigned defeat, wrecked as the high of his emotional outburst started to simmer to a mellow presence but tears still incessantly falling all the same. 

He lied. Loving Zach was the most real, most alive that Alex had ever felt—it was dangerous, exhilarating, freeing—loving Zach was the best thing about Alex. But it was as terrifying as it was good. 

He never knew love meant living for the other—all of a sudden your entire life became centred around that one person. Alex could barely live for himself, how the fuck did he end up here then? Now, Zach was a mess and Alex had too many lives to live, too many complexities, too many feelings—just _too much_. 

Being with Charlie could be simpler. Easier. Not— _too much all the time_. 

Zach’s gaze was hooked to the floor, his head nodding jerkily as he processed Alex’s admission—accepting his burdensome hold on Alex as his shoulders shook with grief, and tears streamed down his already wet cheeks.

“You’re right—me entering your life ruined it more than anything but,” He started.

“That’s not what I meant—,” Alex attempted to reassure Zach.

“No—I get it, I’m a drunken mess who only adds to your problems but I love you, okay? I love you and I need you to know that because—because it’s killing me to see you with _him_ and—and I should have learnt from Hannah but I’m so late at—I don’t even know what I’m feeling half the time but I know that—that I love you,” Zach rawly admitted, breaths coming out uneven and occasionally hitched as he gazed at Alex in _that way_ Alex was finally able to understand. 

He supposed that he must have looked at Zach that exact _same way_. 

_How fucking pathetic_

The grief induced by the ache and resentment at Zach’s admission came in waves and threatened to consume him entirely. It was his master, for now. He was at the mercy of its whims and it bit at him with such ferocity he feared it would leave him an empty shell, so he could only look back at Zach blankly. Alex’s stare wasn't intentionally cold, his face just lacked its usual mobility. 

He shook his head in muted disbelief at the fickle position he found himself in, “What do you want me to say, Zach?” Alex softly asked, brows furrowed and eyes glazed with a new set of tears awaiting the fall.

Obviously his response was not what Zach had been expecting because the taller boy flinched back, expression reflecting that of poignant pain and resigned disbelief before he took a shaky breath and unleashed all hell.

“I want you to—I want you to tell me that you—you love me back! That you don’t feel that way for Charlie—,” Zach practically screamed, eyes hysterically wide against his blotchy, tear-stained face. 

Alex was spiralling, any second now he was going to drop all pretences and tell Zach exactly how he felt—that he loved him, _so fucking much_ . He loved him when he practically nursed him back to mobility, he loved him when they had fought, he loved him when he was pursuing Chloe, he loved him in all his cowardly, jock glory—and he loved him now. He loved Zach. _Fully, completely and always._

_Alex loved Zach so much that he had killed for him._

But he couldn’t give in—he couldn’t allow himself to wallow in the irrational hope of something special, something untaintable, something that belonged solely to them because Zach was yet to reconcile a reality that didn’t involve pleasing everyone and keeping up facades—even in his drunken state, his image would be prioritised over his own happiness and Alex has surpassed that. He didn’t resent Zach for any of it if anything—he loved him more because of it but Alex wanted—no, he deserved love that was free and unrestrained and if that meant letting go of the love he had been waiting for so long—so be it. It was easier said than done though. 

So, keeping those notions in mind, he feigned cool indifference even as his heart lurched, “I don’t know that I can tell you that,” he retorted bluntly, swallowing at the lump in his throat. 

Alex’s admission rendered Zach speechless, temporarily incapacitating the taller of the two before he shook his head in disbelief and spat his next words harshly, “Liar—you’re a fucking liar, I know you Alex—,” he began.

Zach’s unconcealed adamancy and ability to see through Alex had him reeling, “I do like Charlie, what the fuck do you know—,” he retorted, voice bitter and volume rising.

“You’re fucking settling—admit it, don’t fucking lie about that!” Zach declared loudly, chest heaving as tears ran relentlessly.

“Yeah well, maybe settling is better than being loved closed doors like I’m some secret to be ashamed of!” Alex confessed, practically screaming at Zach before realising the implications behind his words, chest raw and taut from all the uneven breaths he had taken as the floodgates continued. 

His admission had halted any snarky remark from Zach, subduing the taller boy to a state of speechlessness, blood draining from his face as he considered Alex’s harsh but heartbreakingly truthful admission. 

“Alex—you’re not—you wouldn’t be some secret—it wouldn’t—we wouldn’t be like that—,” Zach tried to softly reassure the shorter boy, but failed spectacularly. 

“Really, Zach? What can we have—can you even fathom the thought of kissing me in front of everyone after a game? Or in the hallways at school? Or dancing together at prom—because I want all those things and I’m sick of feeling like I’m deranged for wanting something real and open… I hate feeling like I can’t have all of it because—because I can, Charlie can give me all that!” He honestly declared, heart tearing at quelling Zach’s hope and their chance at _something_.

Zach hung his head dejectedly like he was admitting defeat but it was his silence that spoke volumes. It lingered in the air, thick and heavy, and was all Alex needed to confirm that any future he’d naively envisioned between them two was a pipe dream—a cruel manifestation of his heart aided by his equally malicious imagination. 

“I’m sorry—I can’t do this…,” Alex waterily admitted. 

“No—Alex, please—I’m sorry...,” Zach began. 

“No—I,” Alex remarked hastily. 

“Hey—no, we can figure this out, right?” Zach urged desperately, hand outstretched in a beckon for him to stay. 

“No—I can’t, I’ve gotta go,” he hurriedly replied, eyes frantically skimming his surroundings and avoiding Zach’s poignantly heartbreaking gaze that would surely lure him in the way that Zach always did.

In a moment of spontaneous courage or cowardice—he doesn’t know what, Alex turned away from Zach despite the inexplicable pain that weighed on his heart. He left knowing that he’d probably lost both his best friend and true love at once, he left knowing that this could be the final strike on Zach’s impending collapse, he left even as he heard Zach’s wrecked sobs and his name called out in that broken, beautiful voice. He left and he hated himself for it.

* * *

The next week he rejected all of Charlie’s prom advances, convincing himself that it was because he was perfectly happy with going stag with Jessica and Ani and not just him cruelly condemning his heart to perpetual pain by holding onto the hope that _someone else_ would ask him instead.

As usual, he was an idiot—and finally decided that it was time to let go. 

_Guess love can’t conquer all after all._

* * *

Zach hadn’t seen or heard from Alex since that disastrously emotional night where he was abandoned, a rejected, distraught drunken mess that had lost the boy he loved and best friend, all at once. Alex was right, Charlie could give him everything he desired—a genuine relationship, one that was open for the world to see without prying eyes looking in or a maddening need to keep up pretences, he could give Alex happiness and unconditional love. Zach was completely gone for Alex but he was a _fucking coward_. 

He reckons that night he had cried himself raw, his sobs were as hysterical and loud as they were soft and inexplicably silent. It was just him, his tears and the night’s blanket of generous velvet that attempted to keep him safe. Heartbreak was a _fucking bitch_ but it only intensified by tenfold when you were responsible for it—knowing that you wielded an unparalleled power and simply, _let it go_. 

But somewhere along the way, in passing conversation, a chance was granted to him. He and Ani were walking down the halls to their next class when she casually brought up prom, mentioning something about her taking Jessica and that Alex was tagging along with them. The realisation caught him off guard, causing him to come to an abrupt stop. Ani filled him in on how Alex had decided that he’d rather go to prom with the two girls and had rejected all of Charlie’s advances. This was it, this was his chance to make amends and prove himself. The past few weeks of agonising silence and literally living a reality where Alex wasn’t a constant presence had prompted Zach to realise a simple fact—he loved Alex and that was that. 

_Fuck it all, right?_

He pulled Ani aside and set his plan into motion.

Zach would be lying if he said that he wasn’t a nervous wreck but he had to be optimistic—Ani and he had it all extensively planned. The only downside to it all would be a public rejection to Zach’s advance on Alex’s part which would surely be his demise, he just couldn’t handle that—putting himself out there was confronting enough but knowing that the love within reach was completely gone—that would surely kill him. He spared himself one last glance in the mirror, fingers pushing back at the stubborn hairs that threatened to sweep over his eyes and double-checking that he had all his supplies before making his way to his car.

***

Upon his arrival, he couldn’t help but admire the clear effort made—the venue was beautiful, gold etchings along the walls spoke of royalty, secrets and sacred moments, while the vast and voluminous crystal chandelier hung like some glory-cloud above the room's centre that had a crowd of boisterous teenagers prancing to music beneath it. He could only consider the commotion in quiet appreciation because his eyes immediately found Alex’s lanky figure attempting to keep up with Jessica and Ani’s elaborate moves, but at the bat of an eye, Alex chose to watch the girls with a small smile after his obvious nonsuccess. Only moments later, Ani found his eyes in the crowd, giving him a small, suggestive smile and nod that confirmed that everything was in order.

_Here it goes._

Soon, the reverberating beat of the music had simmered to a slow, mellow tap that had the crowd resigning to a slower, softer pace. Zach suddenly felt all eyes on him, finding the crowd perfectly separated along the middle—eyes and smiles that spoke with knowingness, the moment completely diverging from his original plan but feeling right nonetheless. Zach stood at the crowd’s peak, Alex finally returning his gaze after taking in the sudden change in atmosphere. Zach swore he saw Alex’s breath catch, head shaking in disbelief at what—Zach’s being here? The cliche of it all? He didn’t know but he allowed himself a moment to appreciate the spectacle that was Alex—the spectacle that had changed him, his life, the way he lived and saw things—for the better. The harsh truth was, the day Alex’s life had nearly ended was the same day that Zach’s had really started. 

Zach allowed himself a moment to appreciate Alex from afar, eyes taking in the broken but equally as the whole boy before him, the familiar ident between his brow making an appearance at the unexpectedness and fragility of their situation—eyes brewing with guarded consideration, tentative warmth but still retaining the familiar presence of muted hope. Zach could read Alex so well, just as Alex could read him and the notion of hope never strayed from the shorter boy, he may be reluctant but he was always hopeful—even after all he had endured. It made Zach love him a little more. The intensity of the moment had cold sweat glistening on his furrowed brow, fingers weaving in and out of each other as he made his way toward Alex—weary but oblivious to all eyes on them. Even as he got closer to the shorter boy, Alex’s eyes still spoke of reluctance and disbelief—an obvious defence mechanism on his part given their comical encounter on the rooftop. 

As Zach moved closer, his hands came up to cup at Alex’s cheeks—the smaller boy’s breath hitching as those eyes looked so deeply into his own. Alex’s breathing became softer at Zach’s smile, the pensive look melting into a smile as soft as the morning light at the realisation that Zach was truly here, baring himself so clearly and completely. 

Zach’s heart was throbbing against the cage of his chest at the weight and rawness of his next confession, “I love you more than life,” he admitted waterily, eyes glazing over at the fierce emotion reverberating off Alex. 

Palpable excitement, shock and knowingness buzzed through the charged air, the myriad of faces witnessing the special moment with infectious grins. 

Alex chuckled waterily, eyes still tinged with disbelief but hands coming up to grip at Zach’s wrists, “I—I love—love you too, Zach,” Alex struggled to get out, voice choking on the rush of emotions consuming him. 

Zach felt relieved at hearing Alex reciprocate those words, having nearly convinced himself that the attraction was purely one-sided. Zach could not take his eyes off Alex, leaning his forehead against Alex’s brow to confirm that it was all real—that Alex was really here, tentatively tracing Alex’s impossibly high cheekbones with his thumb to quell his self-doubt. 

Alex was beautiful from the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. He was beautiful from his generous opinions to the touch of his hand upon Zach's own. He was beautiful when his brows furrowed in contemplation and when his face resigned to that familiar sarcastic grimace tinged with fondness at Zach’s insolence. But now, he was beautiful simply because—he was. It didn’t hurt that the cerulean blue of his suit only intensified the green of his eyes—the kind of green that budded on the prisoners of winter, bringing life back to their branches; eyes that shone of hope and everlasting love.

Zach took a moment to compose himself, flashing Alex a bright smile that he hoped communicated the surrealness he felt at Alex choosing him, the surrealness of being wanted, loved and worthy of someone as precious as Alex. Alex squeezed his hand as though confirming such, branding that smile that caused butterflies to escape from the pit of Zach’s stomach and made it feel like the sun somehow toppled down from the sky and made home right there in his heart.

Zach had ensured that he came prepared for the full prom, cliche experience—hesitantly retracting the white rose corsage from his suit’s pocket that just so happened to match the delicate rose pinned to his breast, and looked down at Alex’s wrist suggestively. The shorter boy’s poker face broke as he giggled in bafflement at Zach’s clear intention to go _full out prom-style_ , shaking his head in incredulity but still extending his wrist to allow the taller boy to tie on the corsage. Zach’s smile was blinding and he took Alex’s equally beaming smile as an indication to lean in and meet the boy halfway.

Alex’s lips were warm and tasted of mint; he had obviously been chewing gum earlier. His hands were wrapped around Alex’s waist and Alex’s locked around his neck, pulling him down slightly. When they broke apart for air, they rested their forehead together and gathered some much-needed oxygen, smiles as blinding as the stars in the sky, with no bright city lights to dim them. 

_Fuck, he was so in love. He was so happy. It was always going to be Alex._

* * *

After their _very very_ public romantic display, Alex had pulled Zach aside to avoid _any more_ prying eyes from looking into their conversation. The said conversation had not lasted longer than a few seconds of playful banter because Zach could not keep his hands off Alex—not that Alex was much better himself, both desperately wanting to make up for lost time. In between kisses, Zach would whisper how much he loved Alex against his lips, causing the smaller boy’s cheeks to flush and heart to pick up even more.

The duo found themselves occupied in the equally lavish bathroom, indulging in the simple and sacred intimacy of being in each other’s embrace. Zach held him gently, cupping Alex’s face with one hand. He leaned down and softly kissed the tender area at the base of his neck. Alex’s body went rigid with surprise as trembles shook his body and the euphoric warmth and surrealness of the situation blossomed within him once more. Alex was breathless with delight as Zach showered him with gentle, soft kisses, each with its own flicker of warmth. Alex gazed up at him, thrilled beyond words to be the recipient of his affection. 

Zach drew back again and spent a moment studying Alex’s face, “You saved my fucking life—I can’t imagine life without you, Alex,” Zach admitted so honestly, eyes boring into Alex’s. 

Alex felt his blush deepen at his admission and the pure intensity of the moment, “No Zach, that was all you—you made sure I wasn’t a sack of useless limbs for the rest of my life, every day I’m living is because of you and—,” Alex began.

“No—that’s not true, you did that all on your own—,” Zach interrupted, attempting to debunk his claims.

“Listen—Zach, I mean it. You saved me, physically and in heart—I love you so fucking much,” Alex mused waterily, thumb tracing at Zach’s strong jaw.

Zach chuckled, wiping at the few tears that had come loose, “I love you—so much. Loving you is the truest thing about me,” he declared softly, hands running up and down Alex’s sides. 

Alex gazed at him lovingly, his eyes softening with tenderness as he recalled the similar sentiment that his mind had echoed all those weeks ago on the rooftop, Zach was his kryptonite and he had no qualms about it. He tilted Zach’s head to the side and kissed him, his lips demanding. Alex felt a smouldering heat deep within him as Zach’s grip tightened, crushing his toned body to his, gentle yet firm. Zach slanted his head further, deepening the kiss as passion, lost time and love consumed them. Just as Alex reached for the buttons on Zach’s shirt, they were interrupted by the racket coming from the mass of boisterous cheering teenagers. 

“I think they’re about to announce prom king and queen,” Zach said, eyes gazing at the door contemplatively.

“And?” Alex retorted impatiently, trying to chase Zach’s lips to resume their heated exchange.

“Wait—wait, Alex—come on, let’s go check it out,” Zach insisted, chuckling at Alex’s frustration. 

“How does this concern us? And why should we care?” Alex retorted annoyedly, not understanding Zach’s insistence to go watch some generic couple be awarded with such a superficial title. 

“Hey—it’s a part of the high school experience, go hard or go home, right?” Zach bellowed, looking at Alex in that way that said he couldn’t avoid this even if he wanted to.

Alex rolled his eyes, “Fine,” he uttered but felt that it was worth it if it meant that Zach would keep smiling that way.

* * *

Zach’s arms were winded tight around Alex’s waist as the shorter boy leaned back against his chest in a comfortable embrace. Zach took a minute to process that all of this was real, that Alex was real, a constant that he hadn’t lost due to his own stupidity and somehow in love with him despite his erratic, uncontrollable behaviour over the past few months. He closed his eyes to absorb the moment, placing his chin on his boyfriend’s head and tightening his grip around Alex’s waist a little more— _just to be sure_. 

_Boyfriend? Was that okay with Alex? It should be, right? It felt right to him._

Jessica made her way to the stage, cream envelope in hand as the crowd gathered, the atmosphere was one of elation as everyone impatiently awaited the results. Zach couldn’t help but feel excited about it, there was something thrilling about these small yet valuable moments in life—these moments were some that they only got once and it was important to cherish them. Alex would claim to disagree and give an elaborate, existential reasoning as to its insignificance but Zach knew the boy held some regard and maybe even enjoyed these ‘futile’ moments. 

“Alright, Liberty High! The votes are in...it’s time to announce the prom king and queen,” Jessica announced, earning a round of applause from the crowd.

Jessica went on to explain how the authenticity of the results was unparalleled given that Dean Floundry oversaw it. They chuckled at her mild belittlement. 

“Holy shit!” Jessica remarked, the results obviously catching her off guard. 

Zach and Alex looked back at each other in confusion.

“The prom king and queen are...or, king and king, or I guess queen and queen… whatever they prefer,” Jessica rambled almost incoherently but the boys were not unbeknownst to the newfound fact revealed to them.

“Your prom royalty… Alex Standall and Zach Dempsey!” She roared, as the crowd erupted in a cacophony of applause and cheering, palpable excitement buzzing through the charged air at the unexpected turn of events. 

Zach felt Alex still against him, be it in surprise or outrage—he didn’t know but it only took the taller of the two a second or two for the new information to sink, lips stretching wider into a gaping grin and eyebrows arched for the sky at the jarring, craziness of the moment. Zach hopped on the spot in elation, causing Alex to roll his eyes in fake dismissal but eye’s glazed with soft endearment at Zach's obvious excitement. Zach smacked a wet, sloppy kiss on Alex’s cheek before grasping at his hand in an attempt to pull him to the stage. 

Alex pulled back slightly, clearly not ready for another public display—one was enough as it was, no matter how sweet it may have been.

“Zach—no, really we don’t have to…,” Alex began, voice whinny and firmly against it all. 

“Alex! We are literal royalty, come on—we deserve this,” Zach replied, tone elated and smile infectious. 

Alex raised his eyebrows in clear opposition, expressing the fact that he hated high school pleasantries, especially those that he was cruelly lured into. Their obvious delay had the crowd in a riveting chorus.

“Zalex! Zalex! Zalex!” the crowd chanted unyieldingly, obviously prompted by Zach's football mates. 

Zach looked back at Alex expectantly, knowing that the crowd’s persistence meant that Alex had to go up there, whether he liked it or not. But again, seeing Zach smile in that bright, infectious way that Alex hadn’t seen in months was worth all the ‘unpleasantries’. He grasped at Zach’s outstretched hand, allowing the exuberant boy to pull them onto the stage. 

Once on stage, Zach was still jostling on the uncontained excitement of it all, hand squeezing at Alex’s and unable to refrain from placing another kiss on the beautiful boy’s cheek. Alex did his signature eye roll in response but his cheeks flushed nonetheless. 

“What? When did this happen—was this you?” Alex asked Jessica accusingly.

“Secure vote,” Jessica responded, hands raised in surrender, “I told you… it’s whoever the football team wants every year,” she chuckled. 

Zach returned Alex’s affectionately annoyed expression with one of glee, looking back at his football mates suggestively to which they raised their thumbs and smiled brightly in unison. 

“So… who wants the crown and who wants the tiara?” Jessica asked.

Alex looked at Zach expectantly, prompting him to choose for them to which Zach cheerfully said, “Ooo—I want the tiara, please”. 

Alex couldn’t help but chuckle at Zach’s clear enthrallment of it all, the crowd hollering as Jessica placed the tiara on Zach’s head and gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek. She placed the crown on Alex’s head, also rewarding him with a sweet kiss on the cheek. 

She regarded the two with an expression of easy happiness and knowingness, “You two deserve to be happy. It’s always going to be Zach and Alex, huh?” She claimed, regarding them in the third person but voice tinged with wisdom at realising the boy’s affection for each other, long before either of them did.

Her comment had Zach recalling the moment he had truly fallen for Alex—he was the type to fall first and hard but still be ignorant to both, and that’s exactly what had happened. He felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude fill him at being alive, being in love and being lucky enough to realise his stupidity just before it was too late—life wasn’t worth anything without Alex. Nothing at all. 

When Zach looked into Alex’s eyes, it was as if space and time became the finest point imaginable, as if time collapsed into one tiny speck and exploded at light speed. It was as if his universe began and ended with Alex. He could run forever, search forever, but in the end, every path led right back to Alex’s heart and soul. He didn’t know love could be so raw and all-consuming, he didn’t want to ever lose that feeling. He believes that Alex felt the same because the softness of his eyes and easy, lazy smile emanated a love that came naturally and Zach would protect it with his life. His life was Alex now. The two were so caught up in each other’s eyes that the crowd’s impatience triggered another chant.

“Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss,” they chanted unrelentingly.

Zach tugged at Alex by the waist, the shorter boy’s chest slamming into his at the sheer speed of the moment. Alex gripped at his shoulders, eyes looking back at him lovingly, the little dimple near the corner of Alex’s mouth causing Zach’s heart to swoon. 

“We should give our people what they want,” Zach claimed cheekily, eyes darkening as Alex’s eyes stayed trained on his lips. 

Alex looked up at him knowingly, nodding in agreement. 

Without hesitation, they both slowly moved in. Their lips finally united together, Alex’s plump, velvety lips compelling against Zach’s slimmer, warm ones, dancing around and soon bonding together. Epiphany and elation percolated into their veins and soon the entire system as Zach continued to press his lips more impenetrably and rougher onto Alex’s lips, forcing Alex to pull away before the other boy got carried away. 

The crowd erupted in fervent cheers at witnessing the boy’s sweet embrace. Zach felt his cheeks burn hot at all the attention and Alex wasn’t much better himself, an attractive rosiness tinting his cheeks. 

It was time for their dance, so Zach outstretched his right hand beckoning Alex to the floor—the scene filling him with nostalgia as he recalled that night in Alex’s room only two years ago, the memory felt distant yet recent all in one—revealing just how much life had thrown at them along the way.

* * *

The slow music twirled around the lovers like a thread. Alex rested his head on Zach’s chest, and let him sway his body gently to the rhythm of the music. At that moment, being in Zach’s arms, Alex was present—he was relaxed and he was finally, _finally_ happy. The two of them had been playing an elaborate ‘will they, won’t they’ game for far too long and being able to finally hold Zach like he’s so desperately wanted to was so overwhelming and had Alex choking up at how things could’ve gone very differently for them. Zach must realise a change in Alex’s aura because he nudged at his neck fondly prompting Alex to return his gaze—it was scary how well they could read each other sometimes. Alex looked into the mahogany orbs that burned so fiercely with love—an unconditional, unshackled kind of love, the love that Alex had demanded that night, the love he claimed that Zach could never reciprocate, not openly at least. 

_He was so wrong._

Zach’s brows furrowed slightly at Alex’s almost paralysed gaze, eyes brewing with clear concern and a need to put him at ease.

“Hey,” Zach whispered, softly drawing Alex out of his trance.

“Hey,” Alex smiled back sweetly, eyes lazily tracing the features of the beautiful specimen before him. 

Alex was caught trying to reconcile the surreality of Zach loving him back—the Zach Dempsey; Liberty’s star quarterback and football captain, the jock who shouldn't have noticed someone like him but embraced him with open arms when he joined their entourage two years ago, the same guy who’s heart was as openly bared as it was closed off, the big-hearted, compassionate soul that put everyone else before himself and without question, but got no regard in return. He and Zach shouldn’t have worked, not as friends and definitely not as _this_ —they were polar opposites in the rawest form, the sweet, often misled jock and social, moody outcast—it sounded like a disaster waiting to happen but alas, here they were. An unavoidable death, Alex’s attempt and murder had to occur for them to make it to where they were and for better or for worse, it worked out in all of its fucked up glory. 

“What are you thinking about?” Zach softly asked, right hand rubbing circles on his lower back as his thumb softly caressed Alex’s hand in his grasp.

“I’m thinking about how wrong I was about you—how it took several fucked up incidents for us to somehow get here but I don’t know if I’d change a thing because—it’s totally fucked up but then I wouldn’t have met you,” Alex hesitantly but honestly admitted, eyes still unable to reconcile that Zach was real and _here_. 

“I don’t know that I would either,” Zach guiltily admitted, facing perking up at Alex’s other words, “How—how were you wrong about me?” He asked curiously. 

Alex swallowed at the lump in his throat, “I—I thought we’d never have this… us being free, I guess. I never thought I could love you with eyes on us… what changed, Zach?” Alex softly questioned.

Zach’s smile was easy but his eyes were intense with a whirlwind of emotions, “I guess… the fucked up need to keep up appearances just drained me and it all became a lie I forced myself to live and—and after basically losing you for good that night—I realised that—that losing you and not having love was a million times worse than being comfortable in fear… I love you, Alex and that’s enough for me,” Zach admitted so rawly, heart bared on his sleeve. 

Alex’s throat tightened and heart sped up at Zach’s continued ability to leave him speechless and absolutely encapsulated.

“Fuck, Zach—I love you so much and you are more than enough for me,” He replied waterily, finding his eyes prick with tears for the umpteenth time today.

Zach’s smile was warm and inviting, but it was the way his eyes shone, it was their radiance that made everyone who saw it, feel the irresistible impulse to smile, too, for the smiling of his eyes were the most sincere and pure emotions that radiated off the larger than life boy. Alex was so inexplicably grateful for Zach, for life, for love and for the here and now. He leaned in to kiss the boy but was caught off guard when Zach unexpectedly dipped him causing him to shriek in surprise and laugh heartily. 

Zach’s fringe had come loose from the abuse of gel in his jet black hair, falling over his right eye in that familiar way that Alex had come to love. Still resigned in the same position, Alex gripped at Zach’s cheeks pulling him in to interlock their lips. The tender touch they shared made the room around them disappear. There wasn’t anything else in the world except for the burning flame of their love.

* * *

The music spun around them, lifting away gravity. Alex couldn't count how many times he had squished Zach’s foot under his own. Still, he smiled brightly as their heels clicked over the ballroom floor. Zach watched enthralled as Alex let himself go and bounced more with each move and beat, showing off his spectacularly disastrous moves that had the taller boy in fits of laughter. 

Zach was always the touchy type, their friendship wasn’t devoid of affection, it was registered through simple touches but now Alex felt himself equally unable to let go of Zach—hands needing to feel the firm presence of the taller boy beside him just to ease the doubt that this was all a dream. Zach had his arms hooked around his waist, jumping along to the beat of the music—forcing Alex to join in on the spectacle. In that moment, in that brilliant feeling of togetherness, they were suspended in time and were purely grins, looking like idiots with no care in the world. 

_You could break my heart in two_

_But when it heals, it beats for you_

_I know it's forward, but it's true_

The lyrics of _Back To You_ reverberated around the wall, Zach reciting the lyrics and looking at Alex suggestively as if the words were personable to them—letting the shorter boy know that he could break his heart and it would still beat for Alex. At the realisation, Alex pulled at Zach’s tie to pull him in for a quick kiss which had the taller boy chuckling and deepening the kiss.

_I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to_

_When I'm lying close to someone else_

_You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it_

_If I could do it all again_

_I know I'd go back to you_

  
Alex was the one singing the next lyrics, head bopping along to the alarming yet comical truth behind the lyrics. Zach began to groove to music by demonstrating an elaborate set of peace signs, finger guns and a failed attempt at seductive eyebrows which had the shorter of the two laughing uproariously. They were free, alive and witlessly happy. They were in love. Alex had lied, maybe love could conquer all — _after all_.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, after god knows how many days of writing this I AM FINALLY DONE YAYY.
> 
> This concept came to me randomly, and I think it's valid that somewhere along the way Zach would come to acknowledge his feelings but Alex would be seeking an open, free type of love so I can definitely see the rooftop scene panning out the way that I wrote it but poor Zach, the boy can't catch a break. I hate that the writers basically took everything from him so here he has recovered from the Bryce induced injury and is still the same, old lovable jock but with more baggage? I don't know. Yes, I stole the Jesstin scene—that scene was too beautiful and majorly fucked me up and a tweet had me desperately wanting to Zalexfy it?? Also I firmly stand by Zalex as prom kings, that shit would've been so powerful and a beautiful parallel to their S2 slow dance. Yayyyy.
> 
> I know technically that Zalex week is over but I still want to explore the prompts so I'll try and get something out, I also have an alternative ending to this story so may whip something up, who knows. Once again Zalex deserved better so, check out all the details for the spin-off campaign where a petition and carrd has been made in hopes of gathering a large audience to further our request. Please consider signing the petition at least 30 x a day for about 4 weeks as the campaigners believe we will be able to gather 10K+ signatures if as little as 20 ppl participated adamantly.
> 
> 13rw/zalex spin-off petition - http://chng.it/DHStTSgnLw  
> carrd - https://13rwzalexspinoff.carrd.co/
> 
> Also, in a spur of a moment decision I made a twitter account, check it out @/zalextapes
> 
> \- Avon


End file.
